Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Here We Go...

So I kind of made this blog and then set it aside. Just for the record this is like the 5th blog I have put together to start and then forgot about. I think maybe I keep putting up excuses as to why I can't seem to stick with blogging- well with anything for that matter.

As of late, I have been having spells of feeling sorry for myself and crying over my weight and how unhappy it makes me- also crying over how unhappy eating healthy makes me. How is that for twisted thinking? I guess a part of me somewhere feels like when I can't indulge in that Five Guys burger or those boneless wings from Applebee's then I am not living. I understand this is completely backwards because if I could just get to a healthier weight then I would be able to live more. As it stands I have not been to a theme park or a beach in three years. Three years. That is time out of my life that I can't get back. It is sad when I think about it because instead of getting off my lazy behind and doing something about it I resigned to my destiny of being the fat girl.

Last week, when I made this blog, Aaron and I decided we will be trying to live the Real Food lifestyle from now on. By this I mean we will be making a conscious effort not to indulge in packaged convenience type foods. We will be making the decision to reach for the produce instead of the frozen dinners that have labels full of words unknown to the vast majority of the world. In my healthy mind I know that this is the best way to go about making a healthy lifestyle change- but in my overweight, sick mind I cannot get past everything that has been shoved into my head. You know, the "avoid anything that isn't fat free" kick? It is hard for me to accept eating an avocado and the healthy fats it packs but not hard at all to pick up fat free pudding. What kind of sense does that make? But it is exactly the struggle I am having. Along with another equally frustrating one that will wait for tomorrow.

On a positive side- I feel good that I have made a decision in the right direction even if sticking with it is going to be hard.

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